A great marriage …
…. is not something that just happens, it’s something that must be created
… is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together, it’s when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.
All marriages go through ups and downs and all partners argue and fight from time to time. But when things seem to be getting from bad to worse with escalating tension and heartache, it may be time to try Couples Counseling. Research shows that most couples wait for an average of 6 years of being unhappy in their marriages before seeking support— wouldn’t it be wiser to get professional help earlier?
My approach to Couples Counseling is Hopeful, Holistic and Empowering …
Hopeful because my assumption when I meet a couple for the first time is that their relationship can be saved. I take the fact that they have sought out professional help as a token of their willingness to put in the work that will be needed to repair and heal the relationship. Because that is the truth, there are no short-cuts when it comes to building a loving bond that will last a lifetime. But I see the work needed as an investment and an insurance that will weather-proof the relationship against future storms.
Holistic because I try to understand the deeper context of the couple’s relationship. I I try to understand their inner world and see it through both their lenses with all aspects included — their individual values, dreams, aspirations, challenges and their issues as a couple within the extended family system, their culture, their individual upbringing, lifestyle etc. This perspective helps me identify the deeper, underlying issues that could be causing conflict in the relationship. Ones that need to be focused on for long-term relationship harmony.
Empowering because my goal is to provide my clients with practical tools they can put into immediate practice and use independently over time to build a bond of love and trust. For instance, learning how to express your differences in a calm, respectful way will be one of the many skills and techniques we will work on.
What should we expect in Couples Counseling?
Expect a friendly, warm and non-judgmental atmosphere where you can safely confide your most intimate issues. I will listen to each of you objectively, without taking sides and act as a communication bridge between you to help you both see each other’s perspective.
The first step will be to assess your relationship on various research-based parameters based on the Gottman Method of Couples Therapy— which has been designed based on research which studied over 3,000 couples, some for as long as twenty years. Thereafter, I will discuss my observations on the the relationship strengths and weaknesses with you, help you decide on your relationship goals and coach you in appropriate research based proven techniques to repair and strengthen your bond.
During each session, I will help you become more aware of different aspects of your relationship, challenge unhelpful habits, beliefs or ways of thinking that are leading to disconnection and conflict, and help you see the big picture—more objectively and clearly. I will coach you in practical and proven techniques that will help you resolve conflicts mindfully and guide you in progressive relaxation techniques and other mindfulness & research based techniques to to help you both enhance your emotional connection. I may suggest a few exercises that can be practiced before the next session.
Sessions will mostly be together. Individual Sessions for each partner may also be part of the therapy to provide special care and attention to their unique mindset and personal history.
How many Couples Counseling sessions will we need?
My intention is not to provide a band-aid for your relationship but go deeper into the foundation of your relationship and apply repairs and provide supportive therapy where it matters the most. For this, it is important that I get a good understanding of the main problem areas in your relationship— this Assessment takes places over 3 sessions spread over 1 to 2 weeks.
Session 1 : Couple together (90 min)
Sessions 2 : With each partner separately (45 min each)
Session 3 : Couple together (90 min) to discuss the assessment, relationship goals, therapy plan going forward
The total number of sessions post that vary, ranging between 8 to 12 sessions depending upon your goals as a couple. In order to prevent relapse, it is advisable to continue Therapy for at least 2 to 3 months.
What if we can’t work things out?
I never tell couples what they should do — stay together or go separate ways. This is something the couple has to figure out for themselves—with my support of course.
And Yes, at times, as both partners look more closely at their individual aspirations and values, it is possible that they start realizing that they are not very compatible, that they want different things in life and it may not be feasible to expect to have a truly satisfying life together. In such a scenario, I help both partners deal with their confusion and conflicting emotions and help them mindfully uncouple and separate in a more peaceful manner.
My Services include:
- Pre-Marital Counseling
- Post-Marriage Counseling
- Counseling for Newly Weds, New Parents
I offer both in-person as well as video counseling sessions over Zoom / WhatsApp.